Dear Sanity,
Where art thou?
I haven't seen you in some time and I'm beginning to worry. Your absences were never longer than a moment or two in the past, and now I fear I may have lost you for good.
In your absence, I've made some pretty 'interesting' choices. For instance, I bought another puppy. She's an 8 week old bloodhound who will grow to be over 100 pounds. Yes, you heard me right. So now, I spend my days coaxing my poor, defenceless children off the top of the couch, where they seek refuge from Puppy's razor sharp teeth. It seems they don't enjoy being chased by a crazy pup who pounces on anything or anyone that moves.
I blame your extended absence for this.
In your absence, I've made some pretty 'interesting' choices. For instance, I bought another puppy. She's an 8 week old bloodhound who will grow to be over 100 pounds. Yes, you heard me right. So now, I spend my days coaxing my poor, defenceless children off the top of the couch, where they seek refuge from Puppy's razor sharp teeth. It seems they don't enjoy being chased by a crazy pup who pounces on anything or anyone that moves.
Can I ask you something? Do you know what happened to Patience? She left shortly after you and I fear that is no coincidence. I need her now more than ever. In fact, I could have really used her today when Puppy pooped in the dining room and then immediately turned around to eat it. In my haste to stop her, I startled her and she fell in her little pile of 'would-be' recycled dinner. She then ran around the house, leaving paw prints of poop everywhere. That was not fun. Patience would have been a welcomed guest in our house tonight.
I don't suppose your flying the coop had anything to do with the fact that I've had a falling out with Common Sense, does it? Look, I'm really sorry, I've tried listening to her but she is just so damn boring. Had I not kicked her lame ass out, it stands to reason that Puppy would never have found her way into our home in the first place. Right?! Well, that just wouldn't do.
Okay, listen. I admit it, I'm desperate. I promise not to ask any questions about your whereabouts if you just get back here as soon as you can. Oh yes, and please let me keep Puppy. There must be a way for Sanity and Puppy to co-exist peacefully. Right?!
Anxiously awaiting your return,
Heather
Posts
Literally laughed out LOUD at my desk. I love the open leter to Sanity, Patience and Common Sense.
ReplyDeleteCommon Sense IS boring, though - I'm glad you showed her the door. She was becoming tiresome.
Thanks Kim. I just knew you'd 'get' it. : ) Common Sense is a drag. I'm through with her.
ReplyDeleteFirst, let me say - fantastic blog! SO nice to have yet another Canuck on the food blogging scene. Welcome to the club! (and thanks for the comments on my post!)
ReplyDeleteSecond - ahhh.... puppyhood. I go weak in the knees when I see a soft, wrinkly little pup, and I adore the smell of puppy breath the way most women love the smell of babies. Is Daisy dog #2, or is she the "lovely but constantly shedding dog" you mention in your profile? (I have one of those as well - no more long-haired dogs for me! It's only because he's a loveable goof that I tolerate it) The good news is, when Daisy turns 2, she'll finally get her brain cells! The trick is to get them to *use* the newly acquired brain cells. (if you find any tricks for that, let me know - got a bulldog in need of a few pointers).
Gorgeous blog, and great writing! Keep it coming!
PS... I don't think I've seen more than an hour of TV since starting my blog, good news I don't miss it all that much :-)
Hi Julia,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your compliments! Ditto to you - I'm now a follower and see so many things I want to try on your blog!
To answer your question, "Lovely but constantly shedding" is dog #1, and Daisy is dog #2. She should be named "constantly peeing in the house". I'd forgotten how long house-breaking takes! I agree with you - I adore their smell - am always breathing her in, when she's not biting me that is! Damn those puppy teeth are sharp! So just 2 more years of this craziness, huh? I hope I survive. : )
Daisy! When my soon to be 18 year old daughter was about 4 she wanted a dog so badly, but our yard was not fenced properly for a dog, So she pretended to be our family dog, Daisy, for several months. She would sit on the floor and look at us with her big brown eyes, and break our hearts.
ReplyDeleteYour Daisy is adorable.
Mimi